I have never considered myself to be afraid of doing anything. When ever I have decided I wanted to do something, I just did it, without thinking about it very much in terms of fear. I can honestly say that I have done just about everything I have wanted to do, except for one thing: A rim to rim hike at the Grand Canyon.
Hiking the canyon was not something I always dreamed of doing--I didn't even know you could do that until I started working at the North Rim in 2008. But, WOW! when I started meeting the many people who do it every year, I started thinking it was something I might like to do.
So what is holding me back? Why haven't I made a concrete plan to do it? After all, it has been almost three years now that I have wanted to do this. I think the biggest thing that stops me is my weight. I weight too much, and have not made an effort at reducing in a long time. Oh, I'm not afraid of losing weight, either. I just haven't tried.
The next thing that holds me back is knowing that I would have to sleep out under the stars, with bugs and insects crawling around beside me. I used to camp out in the open many years ago, and never worried about bugs getting on me then, but now? I am so afraid of spiders I can not get past that fear to even think about sleeping outside without a tent for one night, even to experience the Grand Canyon from the bottom.
Another thing that is keeping me from hiking rim to rim is that I really want to share this experience with my husband. The thing is, he has no desire to go. I wonder how he would feel if I went without him. (I haven't asked him, because I am sure he would laugh if I asked because he thinks I will never do it anyway.)
So, what can I do to make myself get ready to do this hike? Who can I get to do it with me, so I don't have to do it alone? Now, usually, I am not afraid of doing things by myself, but for this particular thing, I am. I want someone to go with me, so if I die along the way, someone will know where to find the body. Someone will know that I didn't give up, that I just didn't have the energy to get myself back up that cliff!